Emptiness

When you're feeling so empty inside, you can't help but to feel broken too. The emptiness in me should be depreciating I believe. I don't wanna be selfish, and I will always give you my best. Pls know you're truly a blessing to me and someone I love so dearly.

Love, Hope, Faith

This love of ours has definitely made me grow up. From meeting you as and when to meeting you twice to thrice a week really isn't easy. Sometimes, I still think back of your BMT days, when you are outfield, I just felt so miserable. But I always tell myself to hang on because I'll get to see you real soon. The thought of picturing myself with you, that's when I find myself really happy.

Unexpectedly, I did it, and seeing you again was like the happiest thing on earth for me. I've seen your changes from your cute chubby face and fair skin to a more masculine and tanned you. I remembered you telling me how much you've missed me, how tightly you hugged me, how we looked at each other in disbelief that we've survived this. That moment was magical.

Then here comes your POP, I really hope you would be posted to a unit that allows you to book out everyday. Unfortunately, I think God just wants me to be really independent. I wonder if it's a blessing in disguise. You have to stay in from Monday - Friday every week. So, I've to start all this all over again. I just have to accept it because knowing you're the one who's going to be more upset than me, I would have to stay strong so I could cheered you up and I believe in you.

Everything that we've been through after all these months had me thinking maybe I got used to being really independent. I pretended like I'm fine, I don't need you to be here for me all the time because I know you needed me to be independent while you're inside camp, but of all the days, there are bound to be days when I wish you could be here for me.

I don't want to whine, I don't want to make your life in camp to be an unhappy one. I don't want to quarrel with you while you're in camp. I don't want you to be tired. I don't want you to dread this relationship just like how others got sick and tired of having a stressful relationship.

So I'll make this work, I promise I will because I believe love endures all things, love believes all things and most importantly, love never fails.

Revamp of my room

I have always wanted to revamp my room and I did it during my holidays. It was really tedious especially with painting the walls as it require so much cleaning and shifting of furniture. It took us few days of cleaning up, but I am happy with the revamp.

The newly painted walls with our chosen turquoise color, new bed frames, new mattress/pillows/bolster/blankets, new curtains, new wall shelves, new storage shelf! Now, I can stay in the room the entire day feeling so blessed, just by looking at the painted walls :P

Besides, it's only 9 days away from our BKK trip together with the boyfriend. Can't wait! :)

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

It seems hard to believe, but we've been together for a year and more now. That's not very long in general, but long enough for me to know how much I love you. I remembered vividly how my life was before I met you.

I felt like my love was not reciprocated, I felt like my existence didn't matter much to anyone as compared to how someone could impact my life. That was when I had nothing to fall back on, nothing much to look forward to except hoping for a miracle until you came into my life and proved me wrong. You've brought me so much happiness and joy that I can scarcely contain it all.

Now I believe in love again, because I believe in you, in us.

Pursuing my happiness

You have no idea how every little step closer to my goal now makes me so happy, so contended. Every night, I will never fail to think of the man I love and to think of loving myself more each day.

The thoughts that don’t lessen.
"There is some saying that goes, note the things that you think about first thing in the morning and last before you fall asleep. It’s usually a person, but not always. But really, let your thoughts show you where your heart is. It’s a difficult task, because your thoughts can very often be irrational and untamed, but if you’re able, see where your heart leads your mind."

Give me that willpower to battle through this

Dieting is never easy and if anyone who tries to tell me any differently is lying to themselves.
Many of you would say taking pills is the easy way out, but in fact for me it helps to kick start my journey to losing weight, and I did it, I'm half way through it now. As much as I know I cannot depend on medication in the long run, I know I need to have a permanent change in nutrition and my lifestyle and that's when I am willing to make a real change in my life not just for a temporary change.

So, ultimately the best way for me is incorporating exercise into my lifestyle because while it is possible to lose weight simply by changing my diet, it wouldn't be as fast to shed off the stubborn fats. I believe exercising also helps me to achieve my goals so much faster and to be in a better shape.

There is always a price to pay for the easy way out. Is it too huge a price to pay? It actually comes with the sleepless nights which can really drive me crazy despite the constant yawning with tears rolling down my cheeks, desperately filling my mind with positive thoughts as I know perpetual negative thoughts can lead to self-defeating behavior and it would greatly affect the way I perceive the importance of losing weight for me.

Till then, I've never looked back and regretted making this decision.

Never letting go of you

When something happens, I know I wanna be there for you. I wanna be by your side going through the bad times together, supporting you. So fret not, I'll pick you up even when you fall. Because that's what lovers are for. 

What "I Love You" Means?

"I felt terrible. I mean it when I am saying it. In the simplest way, “I love you.” I feel love for you. I am filled to the brim, overwhelmed, overflowing with how much I love you. I can’t express it any more than that in the moment. I need you to understand, to know. I would never say it if I didn't feel it. But I understand why you’re left wondering. I understand that it seems empty. So I’m going to try and tell you what it means.

I love you means I want to be with you. If I could choose to see anyone, it would be you. I want to be sweet with you. I want to kiss your nose and text you that I hope your day is going well. I want to cook for you and ease your stress. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want manufactured drama. I don’t want resentment.

I want us to share everything. I want to crawl inside your skin and be one person. I am so overcome with how much you mean to me, with how much I adore you, with how much I feel toward you that I am actually at a loss for how to behave. I love you means I have nothing else. I could write poems and sonnets and blog posts about you all day and it would still not feel like enough to let you know how scared I am by how I feel about you. I love you means I’m terrified and hopeful and terrified about letting myself be hopeful.

I love you means I smile when I think about you. I do nice things for you without being asked. I want you to be happy more than I want the sun to rise in the morning. I want to kiss every inch of your face. I want to burrow under your covers with you and hug each other until neither of us are ever lonely again. I want to smell your T-shirt. I want to feel your hair.

I love you means I don’t want you to be sad, but I also want you to feel free to have whatever emotions you’re having. I want you to feel like you can be vulnerable and I will hold all the pieces very delicately and I will kiss them all as I put you back together. I want you to trust me. I want you to know that I never want to hurt you. I want to never be the reason you’re upset. I want you by my side, as my partner. I want to do mundane things with you like take out the trash and put away the dishes. I don’t want to keep secrets.

I love you means I understand that you are flawed and that I am too. It means I don’t want to be selfish. I want all the simple things with you — and the hard things, and I want us to survive them and I don’t want to walk away. I love you means I want to earn this. I love you means I want to be let in and to let you in. I love you means I am so close to destroying this because that is all I know how to work with. I love you means I want to put in the work with you, because I think you’re special and I think you’re worth it.

I love you means I want to sleep beside you and press myself against your back. I love you means I want to talk to you about everything and know everything about you. I want you to share what you’re thinking and I want you to feel safe doing that. I love you means I want us to be kind to each other, to want to be kind.

When I say, I love you, I’m not avoiding intimacy or “cheating.” I am showing you my cards. I know who you are. I am not blind. I am not naive. You do not disappoint me. If I saw through the cracks, I would not run away. It means we will never be perfect and I accept that because I want everything about you that you've shown me so far. I love you means I want to consider you. I want to factor you into my plans. I want to know you see this as lasting too, maybe, and maybe that’s what really trips us up, right? In a good way though.

And that’s one inch of what I mean when I say, “I love you.” I don’t know if I have words for the rest."

Thought Catalog By Gaby Dunn

//I want you forever, forever and always//

//Through the good and the bad and the ugly//

//We'll grow old together, and always remember//

//Whether happy or sad or rich or for poor, or for better//

//We'll still love each other, forever and always//

//Forever and always, forever and always//

//Stay there forever, forever and always//

We fight, we make up

"It's not about finding someone who won't fight with you or make you sad, or mad. It's about finding the person who will still be standing there wiping the tears away, holding you in the arms after a fight and the one who will never leave, no matter how hard things can get."

Walking away was probably the easiest thing to do during a quarrel but it was also equally painful to not being chased by that someone at that point of time.  I know, I was at fault for being obnoxious.

But I promise, I would do better than this.

Our sunshine, our new family member.

Guess what? We've adopted a dog! The dog breed is a Chihuahua, he's really adorable, looking really good with his white brown fur, and I just spotted a heart-shaped like on his body.

Adopting Sangu felt like the best decision ever whenever I am playing with him, giving him treats, belly rubbing him, watching him falling asleep in his little crib. It's like I could even sacrifice my personal time just to spend time playing with him, and that's what makes me happy, he's something I look forward to after school. & not neglecting B. I love both of them :P

I really hope Sangu would remain healthy, happy and maybe stop snorting? He has been giving out this weird snorting sound which makes it so amusing yet annoying when we are bringing him out for a walk. Ok, I can't wait to see Sangu tomorrow!

Never cling onto your past

"Fallbacks are never a good idea. There’s a reason this relationship didn’t work out and that reason didn’t go away even though you may be unable to find someone better. You will never find the right one until you let go of the wrong one. You may have invested time and effort into them, but no matter how appealing this concept may appear, always remember they are your ex for a reason." 

A good reminder to myself, there's certainly a reason to every breakups and the reasons often let you know they're probably not the one for you so let go and moving on has been the best decision I've made till date.  I love my life very much now and would never wanna exchange anything for the special Him. 

Wonders of Love

"Worse, many of us are encumbered by the way we love, not only by our pasts and insecurities, but also by our best intentions; that which we follow only to arrive to a personal hell of our making. This is only made possible by the fact that we all love differently, and we all want to be loved differently. I am a staunch believer that the only reason why a relationship (grounded in the foundation of compatibility and respect) may fail is because of the people involved. You only have yourselves to point to for accountability. And too many good couples who are fully capable to work their issues out throw in the towel for lack of the willingness to work – and it only takes one unwilling party to crumble."
By Adrienne Ng

Yes, it only takes one to give up the relationship and all that you've built up will come crashing down. You feel as though the love is worth nothing at all in your partner's eyes. So, I've learnt that even if anything has to come between a couple, one still has to love responsibly – that’s the ‘right’ way to love.

Thought Catalog

"It doesn't always look how I imagined or reveal itself when I need it but there is always Love when i look into your eyes."
By Danielle Campoamor

"It shouldn't feel like constantly wrestling for a sign of certainty from the other person; anxiously waiting for their phone call, endless tears and never-ending fear of making one minor mistake that could leave you heartbroken. Because this is what I mostly witness from my generation. But I just can’t believe that this is it – this can’t be it especially when we’re so young.

Maybe love is the easy part and everything else is complicated, relationships, marriage, etc. Or maybe it's just people who choose to be complicated and choose to make their love complicated. And as the cynical part of me is trying to die slowly each day. I realize more and more that i just don't want complicated love. It's not that I think love from any person is perfect because it's not; people are not perfect. 
By Kovie Biakolo

Taking a leap of faith

Hi there. I'm back to blogging after so long, I think I've stopped blogging for a year? Pretty much cause I've so much things to do yet so little time for me.

This year just summarizes so much for me. I decided to start on my goal of losing weight. Instead of procrastinating, I did it with the help of pills, yes appetite suppressant which works by telling my brain not to eat when I am not hungry. It totally curb my appetite. I eat lesser and this lasted for about 2 months before I see the change in me.

I'm amazed at how much I could do, how much one person could turn the impossibility to something possible. It was a huge achievement for me, nevertheless it wouldn't happen without my boyfriend being so supportive and encouraging to make all these work.

I am super thankful for his presence in my life. We've been together for a year or so, the completeness I have when I am with him. I am thankful for everything he had done for me.

Will update my blog regularly!