Love, Hope, Faith

This love of ours has definitely made me grow up. From meeting you as and when to meeting you twice to thrice a week really isn't easy. Sometimes, I still think back of your BMT days, when you are outfield, I just felt so miserable. But I always tell myself to hang on because I'll get to see you real soon. The thought of picturing myself with you, that's when I find myself really happy.

Unexpectedly, I did it, and seeing you again was like the happiest thing on earth for me. I've seen your changes from your cute chubby face and fair skin to a more masculine and tanned you. I remembered you telling me how much you've missed me, how tightly you hugged me, how we looked at each other in disbelief that we've survived this. That moment was magical.

Then here comes your POP, I really hope you would be posted to a unit that allows you to book out everyday. Unfortunately, I think God just wants me to be really independent. I wonder if it's a blessing in disguise. You have to stay in from Monday - Friday every week. So, I've to start all this all over again. I just have to accept it because knowing you're the one who's going to be more upset than me, I would have to stay strong so I could cheered you up and I believe in you.

Everything that we've been through after all these months had me thinking maybe I got used to being really independent. I pretended like I'm fine, I don't need you to be here for me all the time because I know you needed me to be independent while you're inside camp, but of all the days, there are bound to be days when I wish you could be here for me.

I don't want to whine, I don't want to make your life in camp to be an unhappy one. I don't want to quarrel with you while you're in camp. I don't want you to be tired. I don't want you to dread this relationship just like how others got sick and tired of having a stressful relationship.

So I'll make this work, I promise I will because I believe love endures all things, love believes all things and most importantly, love never fails.

Revamp of my room

I have always wanted to revamp my room and I did it during my holidays. It was really tedious especially with painting the walls as it require so much cleaning and shifting of furniture. It took us few days of cleaning up, but I am happy with the revamp.

The newly painted walls with our chosen turquoise color, new bed frames, new mattress/pillows/bolster/blankets, new curtains, new wall shelves, new storage shelf! Now, I can stay in the room the entire day feeling so blessed, just by looking at the painted walls :P

Besides, it's only 9 days away from our BKK trip together with the boyfriend. Can't wait! :)

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

It seems hard to believe, but we've been together for a year and more now. That's not very long in general, but long enough for me to know how much I love you. I remembered vividly how my life was before I met you.

I felt like my love was not reciprocated, I felt like my existence didn't matter much to anyone as compared to how someone could impact my life. That was when I had nothing to fall back on, nothing much to look forward to except hoping for a miracle until you came into my life and proved me wrong. You've brought me so much happiness and joy that I can scarcely contain it all.

Now I believe in love again, because I believe in you, in us.

Pursuing my happiness

You have no idea how every little step closer to my goal now makes me so happy, so contended. Every night, I will never fail to think of the man I love and to think of loving myself more each day.

The thoughts that don’t lessen.
"There is some saying that goes, note the things that you think about first thing in the morning and last before you fall asleep. It’s usually a person, but not always. But really, let your thoughts show you where your heart is. It’s a difficult task, because your thoughts can very often be irrational and untamed, but if you’re able, see where your heart leads your mind."

Give me that willpower to battle through this

Dieting is never easy and if anyone who tries to tell me any differently is lying to themselves.
Many of you would say taking pills is the easy way out, but in fact for me it helps to kick start my journey to losing weight, and I did it, I'm half way through it now. As much as I know I cannot depend on medication in the long run, I know I need to have a permanent change in nutrition and my lifestyle and that's when I am willing to make a real change in my life not just for a temporary change.

So, ultimately the best way for me is incorporating exercise into my lifestyle because while it is possible to lose weight simply by changing my diet, it wouldn't be as fast to shed off the stubborn fats. I believe exercising also helps me to achieve my goals so much faster and to be in a better shape.

There is always a price to pay for the easy way out. Is it too huge a price to pay? It actually comes with the sleepless nights which can really drive me crazy despite the constant yawning with tears rolling down my cheeks, desperately filling my mind with positive thoughts as I know perpetual negative thoughts can lead to self-defeating behavior and it would greatly affect the way I perceive the importance of losing weight for me.

Till then, I've never looked back and regretted making this decision.

Never letting go of you

When something happens, I know I wanna be there for you. I wanna be by your side going through the bad times together, supporting you. So fret not, I'll pick you up even when you fall. Because that's what lovers are for.